the time whn i lost my tongue

last night soulmate asked me to call his (mine s well) cousin; K.Long; who's gonna undergo a bypass operation. he's alwiz does dat. whn i say i wanna txt some1, he'll tell me 2call instead. d thg is, im not a 'call' person. im a 'txt' person. cz it'll b awkward whn u call some1, not 2knw wht 2say n hw 2end d conversation. dats why i prefer txt'g. bt i somehw didnt even knw wht 2txt. cz i dont reli knw hw do i wish some1 who's go'g 4n operation.

then i rmbred d time whn i lost my tongue whn my dad went 4his heart surgery 2rplace his decalcified valve. i told soulmate d story, wish'g he'd understand. n im sharing with u guys s well. it ws whn i ws in uni do'g my degree. i jz went back 2sabah cz i ws involved with d new student intake's registration week. n dat registration week hs jz ended n i ws in d middle of do'g my own registration of subjects n get'g my exam results, etc. i received a call frm my twin, tell'g me dat my dad's scheduled 4immediate operation (he went 4his regular check up n ws advised by his doc). it ws somewht a major operation, n we knw our dad, he is very very scared of needles, let alone 2go 4a major operation. so we cried cz we knw hw scared he ws, bt my twin did tell me he tried 2sound cheerful.

d morn'g of his operation, i got a call aftr subuh frm him. we didnt reli hv a conversation. he managed 2say 'hello' n i did too. n then he started cry'g. i cldnt help it, bt i cried like a baby. then i said 'abah jgn nangis, suma ok nanti tu insyaALLAH' only dat it came out as 'wahhaw wuhuuwa hhawwuu laahh' cz i ws cry'g! hw soothing ws dat? stupid me! then both of us jz fell silent. sob'g a bit. bt nothg came out aftr dat. dat ws it. i juz didnt knw wht 2say. i wsnt sure any efforts of consoling him wld make any difference. i didnt try 2make any vain attempts anymore. n then my mom said bye on his behalf. recalling abt it brings a pang of sadness in me. cz we were very afraid. it didnt take long for me 2decide 2catch d nxt plane back 2KL. i followed my guts, discussed with my sisters, not even tell'g my mom cz we knw mom will object my decision to come back cz it costs a lot. i didnt get 2meet him d day of his operation. whn i reached KL he ws alredi been safely brought 2CCU n it ws alredi aftr visitng hour.

d nx morning, i went 2IJN n whn i hugged my mom, she initially didnt realize dat it ws me not my twin. only whn she saw thr were 2of us dat she realized i came back. of course she loved d surprise n we cried our happy cries. then she suggested we went in 2gether 2visit my dad who ws alredi awake; so he'll knw dat i came back. mom hd alredi warned us not 2make him cry cz he ws still weak. bt hw can i stop him? cz whn i got in d CCU, he saw me n said 'angah, awak balik??' n in n instant his tears were flowing. well, its somewht normal 4yours truly 2start cry'g as well. aftr i gave him a hug, n told him 2rest my twin n i went out. all in all, it ws a bittersweet experience 4our family. i think it somehw brought us even closer together. cz we've been thr, on d verge of losing some1 so important. dad ws our provider. mom quit her job whn i ws in hi-skool. we hv never seen d delicate side of our dad. dad never calls us, it ws mom who'll make a call. bt we knw he'll b right by mom's side cz he'll b d one ask'g questions. (we hear him frm d backgrounds) bt we alwiz knw he cares for us. dats why hw awful we treat him, in d end, we'll still hug him whn we see him. cz we love him dearly, n mom too.. he's like our weakness.. mine especially.. dats why dis happened :

moi n abah on wedding day..

neway, back 2 d topic im discussing.. im jz not a call person. i dont knw hw 2convey my feelings (d ones dat's a bit mushy mushy especially. i knw hw 2convey anger, bt matter of d heart is a no-no for me) thru tele-conversation. i only txt. bt i ws tryg 2recall hw my frenz wished me whn i hd 2go 4my operation in 2001 (somethg im gonna share with u guys too, sometime..) so i cld duplicate it a bit; bt i cldnt rmbr any. bt in d end, i did txt K.Long. tell'g her 2rest a lot n stuffs. bt seriusly, i knw d feeling.. cz i've been thr, ive done it. sometimes, not a zillion consoling words frm any1 cld ever make u relax. n wht u cn do is alwiz turn to Him. n dats whn u'l let go n embrace whtever path He's set u 2.

neway, pray 4our K.Long. we'll b seeing d healthier her insyaALLAH!